yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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