thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
