So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
