i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
