I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
