Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
