Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
