Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
