Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My feet surprised me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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