What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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