The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Floor bacon is actually really good
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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