Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
