Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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