Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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