She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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