In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
