No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
