So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Randomize
