I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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