He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
