Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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