how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
