okay pat passed out under dana's car
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am midnight drunk by noon
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
