"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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