Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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