What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
