She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
