Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
