if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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