i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Acid is not a monday night drug
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
