Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
