AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
