I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
