..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
