I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
