I hate all girls vehemently.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I believe in your delicious
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
