these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize