Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
