so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
