I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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