we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
