You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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