what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I touched a dick in church today
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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