The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
