It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
