Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
