Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
