He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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