I feel like abortions should bother me more
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
