Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
