Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
