I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
