i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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