what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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