thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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