Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize