So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
