you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
