Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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