dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
