just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
