Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
