Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
