Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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