wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
