By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
