so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
