O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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