he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
