I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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